Medical Transcript Screw-ups

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians.

*By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
*On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
*The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
*Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
*Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
*The patient refused an autopsy.
*The patient has no past history of suicides.
*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
*Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.
*She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
*Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
*The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
*She is numb from her toes down.
*The skin was moist and dry.
*Patient was alert and unresponsive.
*When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
 

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