An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced sideways

from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Seven

thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the mouth of

Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to swallow. The

crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realized what had

happened.

An elderly woman at a unit for sufferers of senile dementia passed

round a box of mothballs thinking that they were mints. Eleven people

were taken to hospital for treatment.

An Indian man who eight months ago decided to spend his life in a tree

has died. He fell out of it.

Following a drinking binge in Christchurch, New Zealand, Koto Salaki

passed out - so his buddies stripped him and shaved off his eyebrows

as a joke. Getting no reaction, they proceeded to cut off his ear and

glue it onto his forehead. Doctors managed to sew it back on.

When 65-year-old Les Edwards shoveled some coal on to his living-room

fire in January 1985, a sudden explosion rendered him deaf and blind.

The mystery blast was traced to the accidental inclusion of a detonator

in the coal mix. The National Coal Board admitted negligence.

An operation at Nottingham hospital in January 1989 ended prematurely

when the patient exploded. The casualty, an 82-year-old woman, was

undergoing electrosurgery for cancer. The blast was attributed to an

unusual build-up of stomach gases ignited by the sparks.

A 20-year-old man was given a concrete enema by his mischievous

lover. Surgeons had to meticulously remove the cast which, of course,

formed the shape of a rectum, perfect in every respect except for the

imprint of a ping-pong ball which was apparently used to retain the

enema.

The Cinnamon family from Washington were surprised when several

ball-sized chunks of green ice crashed through their roof and landed on

the floor beside them. The ice soon melted, giving off a revolting

odour. The Cinnamons were not happy to later discover that the ice was

frozen human waste from the leaky sewage system of a passenger jet.

Phreakers, or 'phone hackers, managed to break into the telephone

system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing

message to 'Hello, you fat bastard'

The defence in an Irish murder trial hung on whether the accused,

Thomas McGann, could draw a gun from his pocket without shooting

himself. Demonstrating in court, his lawyer shot his own foot, and died

12 hours later. McGann, however, was acquitted.

Police in France are looking for a man who has been robbing banks

dressed as a giant aubergine. During an armed robbery in Marseilles, he

was asked by the manager 'Are you serious?', to which he replied 'No, I

am an aubergine', and fired a shot. The man escaped with the cash

leaving a real aubergine on the counter.

In April 1993, suspected drug dealer Alfred Acree tried to evade capture

in Charles County, Virginia, by running into a wood. The police had no

trouble following him because he was wearing a pair of 'Light Gear'

trainers, with battery - powered lights that flash when the heel is

pressed.

During a 'smash and grab' on a Zurich jeweller in October 1980, a thief

had his finger cut off by broken glass as he grabbed a tray of rings.

The police identified the finger from their fingerprint records and

arrested the thief within a few hours.

In Ireland, a man staggered into the emergency room of Belfast Hospital

with a wind-up turtle attached to his testicles, explaining that his

young son had dropped the toy into his bath. "A mechanical joint

connected to his tender bits and jammed solid," a nurse said.

When a crook decided to steal the central heating system from an empty

house in Fulham, he removed a pipe connected to the gas supply, then lit

a match so that he could see. Although the house exploded, he

continued with the job and even returned the next day, only to be

arrested.

A totally wrecked cream-coloured Ford Orion was found at the bottom of

a 100 foot cliff face near Scarborough in North Yorkshire early on the

morning of 22nd June. It was thought to have left the road at a sharp

bend between Osgodby and Cayton. There was no sign of the driver,

but a pile of human excrement was found in the driver's seat.

Scarborough Eve News, 24 June 1996.

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