1. It's only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet

UP when you are done.

2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include

something from each of the four major food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.

3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.

4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine

bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins

deserving your contempt.

5. Shopping is not fascinating.

6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only

joking unless the answer is yes, in which case, can he videotape it?

7. His (fill in appropriate selections) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick

glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.

8. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence:

"You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having

freaky circus sex all night?"

9. If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.

10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or

tending the grill.

11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room

is not funny.

12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.

13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie:

microwaving a burrito, fixing spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly

the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it

walks for the first time.

14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.

15. He heard you the first time.

16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too. Let's spread the rejection around a

little.

17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want

the answer to.

18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.

19. Dogs good. Cats bad.

20. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.

21. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through

"Showgirls".

22. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.

23. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he

stop for directions.

24. Don't hog the covers.

25. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you

have ever met and all of your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.

26. Watching football is a major turn-on for you, but please wait for the

halftime show to act upon that.

27. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow

with him

28. Remember that Nair bottles look an awful lot like shampoo bottles in

the shower.

29. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/Smells fine,

Looks fine/Smells bad, Looks dirty/Smells fine. Unless you tend to wash

it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.

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