Q: Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?

A: Because New Jersey got first pick!!

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

A: One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: How do you get a lawyer down from a tree?

A: Cut the rope.

Q: How do you tell if a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a can of beans?

A: One is full of beans and the other makes a good meal.

Q: How do you save a lawyer from drowning?

A: Take your foot of his head.

Q: Why won?t a shark attack a lawyer?

A: Professional courtesy.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?

A: In a cemetery.

Q: Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyers funeral?

A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

Q: What?s brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman.

Q: Why wouldn?t you want to run over a lawyer on a bike?

A: It might be your bike.

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a courthouse full of lawyers

hostage? They threatened to release one lawyer every hour unless their

demands were met.

Q: What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

Q: What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge?

A: Pollution.

Q: What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge?

A: Solution.

Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?

A: They both hope to be a human being someday.

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