Why is Cinderella bad at sports?

Because her coach is a pumpkin, and she runs away from the ball.

What do you call a cow who has just given birth?

Decaffeinated

What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?

A private tutor!!

Do you know why flies have wings?

So they can beat the hillbillies to the watermelon.

How do you make a kleenex dance?

Put a little boogy in it!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?

He sold his soul to Santa

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car

crash?

He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

"Dam!"

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?

National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?

A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree

would kill you?

A pool table.

What is a zebra?

25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.

and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why is pea soup more special than mashed potatos?

Because anyone can mash potatos.

What do a speedo and a cheap hotel have in common?

No ball room.

How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods?

Pretty good.

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