What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.

What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.

What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
People cry when you chop an onion into pieces.

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

What's the definition of "nerd?"
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?
The exhaust.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.

What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?
I don't know either.

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.

What is the difference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.

How do you know when there's a trombonist at your door?
His hat says "Domino's Pizza"

What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.

What's the range of a tuba?
Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
Both suck when you plug them in.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a 16 inch pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
 

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